I saw a tweet a few weeks ago, and I realized that I saw the same tweet last year. This tweet ”I want it all. The life, the career, the love”. It made me reflect on how I perceived the same sentence last year and how I did it a few weeks ago. There is a huge difference! Last year was indeed a rollercoaster, and I lived in survival mode. I believe many did, given the circumstances the world was facing! It was complicated, and I admit that I wasn’t feeling my best, and it negatively affected me. It is funny because now, I am not that person.
I am glad I am changing but most importantly, I am sensing this change. I admit that out of desperation, I did many things that I would never do now (or ever will). Also, I wasted my time on something and many toxic and worthless people. I found myself filling a void agitated with fear, lack of love, and loneliness. It was the most challenging time, but although I kept myself busy, I filled my emotions with unnecessary people I willingly let waste my time. Looking back, I feel so foolish for making such decisions. Yet, life is a journey of both wise and unwise choices, and we wouldn’t always make the right call. You will dial the wrong number repeatedly until you realize that you need to change it.
A Reflective Reading Experience
I still need more time to learn and develop as an individual, but I believe in the power of self-awareness and love. This year, I have been reading the work of Diego Perez or known as ‘Yung Pueblo,’ whose book entitled ”Clarity & Connection” in my humble opinion, is a masterpiece. I have been following him for a couple of years on Instagram. He is also the author of the book ”inward,” but I haven’t gotten the chance to read it yet.
This year, I decided to purchase one of his books and use it as an eye-opening reading experience. This book has helped me realize and understand myself from a different perspective. Although I have changed a lot in the past few years, I realized that we could easily fall into the same trap, worse than the first one. His words in this book hold a great value in understanding our relationship with ourselves first and foremost. One of the sections that I resonated so much within his book is the following:
”self-awareness is noticing
the rhythm of your thoughts
feeling when they are clear
and when they are out of sync
knowing when to take them seriously
and when to let them go
not every thought is valuable;
most are just the sounds of
impulsive, emotional reactions.”
So last year, when I read the tweet, deep down, I thoughts that I wasn’t worthy of love and that it was okay if I could only want the career and the life. I didn’t say it out loud, but I remember telling this to myself. Deep down, I strongly felt that I wasn’t worthy of love because I let my subconscious mind believe in this idea until it became a fact.
I could only want a career and make a good life for myself, which is in my hands, and I can make it happen if I put my mind to it. For the past few years, I have been working on it to have the career and life I deserve, and I am still on my way to making it happen. Slowly but gradually! But when it comes to love, I always distant myself. While in contrast, I read the tweet a few weeks ago, and I didn’t feel the same. I read it with the urge and intention that I not only want it all, but I also deserve it all.
The love, want
I deserve that even if I haven’t yet crossed paths with so far. It is not a finding for love journey; we must love and accept ourselves before committing to anyone. Maybe it hasn’t happened yet, but I am now aware that I want it all and can have it all. No one should ever limit themselves of what they want or need in this life. Elizabeth Wurtzel once said that ”most folks were just frightened of what love might reveal in any exploration of the meaning of it in our lives”.
I felt so much resonation because it is mostly the case with this topic and how most people see it from a highly narrow lens. People tend to deal with the concept of love aggressively, and it is considered a weak trait when it shouldn’t be. We tend to isolate ourselves from a love of any form, and we grew up with a harsh exterior because the world demands it. I believe the tweet was a wake-up call to think and reflect on those three concepts.
I hope to look back and say that I have it all one day.