I saw a tweet a few weeks ago and realized I saw the same tweet last year. This tweet ”I want it all. The life, the career, the love”. It made me reflect on how I perceived the same sentence last year and how I did it a few weeks ago. There is a huge difference! Last year was indeed a rollercoaster, and I lived in survival mode. I believe many did, given the circumstances the world was facing! It was complicated, and I admit that I wasn’t feeling my best, which negatively affected me. It is funny because now, I am not that person.
I am glad I am changing but most importantly, I am sensing this change. I admit that out of desperation, and I did many things that I would never do now (or ever will). Also, I wasted my time on some things and many toxic and worthless people. I filled a void agitated with fear, lack of love, and loneliness. It was the most challenging time, but although I kept myself busy, I filled my emotions with unnecessary people I willingly let waste my time. Looking back, I feel so foolish for making such decisions. Yet, life is a journey of wise and unwise choices, and we wouldn’t always make the right call. You will dial the wrong number repeatedly until you realize that you need to change it.
A Reflective Reading Experience
I still need more time to learn and develop as an individual, but I believe in the power of self-awareness and love. This year, I have been reading the work of Diego Perez, known as ‘Yung Pueblo,’ whose book entitled ”Clarity & Connection” in my humble opinion, is a masterpiece. I have been following him for a couple of years on Instagram. He is also the author of the book ”inward,” but I haven’t gotten the chance to read it yet.
This year, I decided to purchase one of his books and use it as an eye-opening reading experience. This book has helped me realize and understand myself from a different perspective. Although I have changed a lot in the past few years, I realized that we could easily fall into the same trap, worse than the first. His words in this book greatly value understanding our relationship with ourselves first and foremost. One of the sections that I resonated with so much within his book is the following:
”self-awareness is noticing
the rhythm of your thoughts
feeling when they are clear
and when they are out of sync
knowing when to take them seriously
and when to let them go
not every thought is valuable;
most are just the sounds of
impulsive, emotional reactions.”
So last year, meaning during 2020, when I read the tweet, I thought I wasn’t worthy of love and that it was okay if I could only want a career and a life. I didn’t say it out loud, but I remember telling this to myself. Deep down, I strongly felt that I wasn’t worthy of love because I let my subconscious mind believe in this idea until it became a fact.
I could only want a career and make a good life for myself, which is in my hands, and I can make it happen if I put my mind to it. For the past few years, I have been working on it to have the career and life I deserve, and I am still on my way to making it happen. Slowly but gradually! But when it comes to love, I always distance myself. While in contrast, I read the tweet a few weeks ago and didn’t feel the same. I read it with the urge and intention that I not only want it all but also deserve it all.
The love, want
I deserve that even if I haven’t yet crossed paths so far. It is not a finding for love journey; we must love and accept ourselves before committing to anyone. Maybe it hasn’t happened yet, but I know I want everything and can have everything. No one should ever limit themselves to what they want or need in this life. Elizabeth Wurtzel once said that ”most folks were just frightened of what love might reveal in any exploration of the meaning of it in our lives”.
I felt so much resonation because it is mostly the case with this topic and how most people see it from a highly narrow lens. People tend to deal with the concept of love aggressively, and it is considered a weak trait when it shouldn’t be. We tend to isolate ourselves from a love of any form, and we grew up with a harsh exterior because the world demands it. I believe the tweet was a wake-up call to think and reflect on those three concepts.
I hope to look back one day and say I have it all one day.