I finally woke up today to a clear sky. I haven’t felt the sun’s warmth in so long as it has been freezing and gloomy for weeks in Paris. SubhanAllah, how the warmth of the sun, even though it is cold, makes a huge difference! I left the metro station early in the morning and headed to the office. Seeing the ray of sunshine just lifted me up this morning. The cold adds a depressive episode to my days. Adding to this, my sleeping pattern is good and bad at the same time.

I didn’t prepare today’s lunch as I had been doing for a while. Due to unfinished work, I had no time to prepare something last night. Anyhow, I thought of having fries. I know it is technically not lunch, but I was craving them. Following the tradition, when it is sunny in Paris, I have lunch alone or with my co-workers at the Palais Royal Garden, regardless of season. It is where my lunch break walks take place to digest and rest before returning to work. Almost every working day, unless it is raining.

Today was overly cold even though it was sunny. People were walking their dogs, and a few were sitting by the fountain in the Garden. I decided to sit a bit further. For so long now, I have had the habit of listening to podcasts. I have been trying to reduce listening to music and replace it with listening to episodes. I love to hear stories about diverse topics. In addition, I love to listen to podcasts in Arabic or French now and less in English; I am not sure why!

Today,

I decided to choose an episode about the story of a woman who was diagnosed with cancer and the episode titled ”That Disease”. October is the month for raising awareness of breast cancer and the importance of early checkups. I am diversifying my choice of episodes between short and long. Honestly, I didn’t know what to expect, but I was open to hearing this episode. As I mentioned, it was surprisingly freezing while sunny. I was eating my fries and watching people passing by; it wasn’t loud, which was perfect. Everyone was as calm as the cold. Recently, I have been feeling all the feelings, and even though the episode was not sad, my eyes were uncontrollably tearing up. I was holding my tears back and focusing on eating my fries.

As I watched the leaves fall, I looked at all the leaves on the ground with autumn colors piling up. They looked beautiful with different colors and shapes. When alone, I love observing my surroundings and enjoy watching people relax, read a book, walk alone or with someone, or walk their dogs. Just simply existing and being humans!

While listening to the podcast, I love that in every episode I listen to, there is a lesson to learn, and this episode was no exception. I took a few moments to reflect on a few things, for instance, family and the possibility of starting my own, which I think became a far-away idea. So much changed; I changed, and the idea drifted far away as my lifestyle changed, and it plays a role in why I think starting my own family is a faraway idea. The idea rarely crossed my mind, but I stopped myself as I rushed to eat the last few fries and looked at the colorful leaves on the ground for distraction. For me, family is everything, and I realized its importance more when I went through significant things alone, specifically sickness. The episode was about a disease and the importance of having family close, which could be why I got emotional during a random lunch break.

I finished listening to the episode and eating my fries; it was almost the end of my lunch break. Just like that, I gathered myself and returned to work , and falling leaves continued to fall.