Summer has passed, and fall is around the corner. My visit to Libya already feels like a long time ago. However, I still wanted to reflect on my recent visit home and my observations as I took my time to observe and reflect. It is funny that the place I should know best has changed so much and no longer feels familiar.
Although I visited home at the start of 2025, it didn’t feel like a real visit because I only went for an administrative procedure. Honestly, I don’t think I would have gone in 2025 if I hadn’t had this administrative emergency which was overdue. This year, I planned the trip and date to finally go home to spend proper time with loved ones, especially my grandmother, after she fell terribly sick the previous year. This time, I was thrilled to go home and make up for my previous visit.
To my shock, or maybe it was more of a harsh realization from this year’s visit, is that everything changed, and I don’t mean it in a very positive light. I think my brain still holds onto the last memories I have of home. The warmth, the gatherings, the family trips and outings, and Tripoli’s vibe. This time, 8 years later, the feeling that it truly was home is no longer there. It felt different and unfamiliar, but most importantly, it felt random. The feeling I had before leaving in 2018 is no longer in the air now. I don’t know if I can articulate this feeling clearly; I think I felt disappointed and perhaps slightly angry at myself, at home, and at everything altogether. It felt unfair, to say the least.
An Uneasy Feeling Remained
It is a realization that everything changed; there is a familiar feeling from the past, a feeling of home and warmth that I couldn’t sense this time. Everything changed, but not all at once. Many things remained; it felt like turning back in time, even if some external aspects had changed. I think when you live inside reality itself, with time, you adapt to it and do your best to live through it.
But when one leaves and returns, it turns out what I thought was normal was just more of an adaptation mechanism to live or maybe survive. Unfortunately, the harsh reality is that what you thought was fine isn’t what it should be, or what normality is. The system and the harsh situation in Libya make you believe it is normal when it is not at all. Also, after spending years away, it’s no longer possible to adapt to this reality, and this is a harsh pill to swallow.
The paradox was that I felt happy to make up for my visit last year and see my grandparents and two close friends, yet the bothersome feeling remained about how difficult the reality is. On this visit, I was determined to enjoy being home and pass the days like the old days, at a slow pace without the rush of my life today, but I know what was will never be.
The Harsh Reality that Persisted
I think people don’t realize how much society has changed because I feel like people are just busy managing their day to day life. I wouldn’t lie that being home felt suffocating at times, and I feel bad to even feel it. On top of that, Libya is still a very limiting environment, and I cannot stop thinking about how it is not an environment suitable for having a good and decent life.
People don’t realize the extent of the country’s situation. However, it is important not to forget how influential social media has become now. I have seen many people glued to their phones whenever I am out and about. It is mindblowing how social media has infiltrated society in ways that I couldn’t understand. I don’t remember when I was home that social media had this impact until 2018; I think it only got worse. As much as I am sad this article feels negative, I cannot just “pretend” it was all great. I did enjoy my visit as a vacation because I knew I was leaving soon, but it reminds me that the place I couldn’t wait to leave is my home country, Libya, and that’s the sad reality.