I’ve seen how many people participated in this trend about the museums of failures, if it’s a trend at all. People reflected honestly on their failures and shared with so much honesty. I thought so much about it and tried to think of my failures. Honestly, it’s not an easy one, not because I don’t have any, but simply because I wanted to select the ones I consider failures from my experience. I used my long flight to draft and reflect, allowing my mind to wind down. I’m happy to list a few of my failures, which enabled me to reflect clearly.

1. Uneasy to Love or Just Unready Type of Failures?

I’m not relationship-oriented and haven’t had a proper, long-term, and healthy (stressing on healthy because it is not only about timeline) relationship before. I consider myself terrible at dating and wish I could say that I had a platonic and healthy relationship. Still, I couldn’t have one, even though I’m now 31. On the other hand, settling down is something I finally started to feel at peace with by the end of my twenties, but it now seems very distant.

I think at times that I’m not easy to fall in love with. Or even be with, and end up sabotaging things instead of growing or sustaining them. I fear that someone would see my kept, long-hidden vulnerabilities and would run away. For the most part, I end up wearing a formal mask to keep a distance. In contrast, I end up pushing them to their limit till they leave. Even though I know deep down that I didn’t miss anything. What’s meant for me will never skip me. This brings me comfort, yet I wonder sometimes why this never worked for me.

2. The Career I didn’t Build With My First Degree

I didn’t get the chance to use my engineering degree after graduating. I finished in 2016, then changed my major for my master’s degree and left for France right away. In reality, the time I spent between graduating and leaving was short, and securing a job in engineering was challenging, plus the country’s situation didn’t help either.

Although I am aware that I put so much effort into becoming an engineer, I decided to pursue a master’s in a field that doesn’t even exist in Libya. But again, it is a risk worth taking, and I’m proud to have taken that step. Nonetheless, sometimes I wonder if I had pursued a career in engineering. Would my master’s degree be in engineering, and how would it change my career trajectory? I don’t regret changing my speciality, and I am happy with my current career path. However, it is an idea that crosses my mind from time to time.

3. Quiet Circles Or Fading Ones?

I have a minimal pool of friends. I don’t have too many close friends with whom I get to talk frequently and have a special bond with. For instance, I have two close friends from university back in Libya. We make sure to check on each other often. However, we don’t talk all the time because of our busy lives. I feel like I protected my peace way too much and wonder about friendships at my age now.

I love my close relationship with my parents. Regardless, I feel like having friends, specifically close ones, is crucial. Sometimes one wishes to talk about things one won’t necessarily discuss with one’s parents. For example, be it girls’ talk or thoughts, I would prefer to discuss with someone who will understand and listen. Since leaving home in 2018, I have noticed that my current circle of friends has changed. Now, I often meet my friends abroad, who are mostly foreigners, reflecting our lifestyles.

4. Thinking that Healing Has a Deadline

I think many of us still carry traces of past trauma or wounds through life, which I decided to work through throughout my twenties. Now, I realised that some of my past interactions caused harm that I tried to work through. Yet, I can see now how they still appear and that I need to work more on ”fixing” them. Even though it is progress actually to notice them, it’s even more so after working on myself.

Regardless, it made me realise that healing never ends, it is a process. Funny because I thought I was supposedly healed by now, but I could see how some wounds still hurt and still have an effect. This made me remember that healing is never fully achieved, and maybe by healing, we try not to let what harmed us happen again.

What about you, dear reader? Did you resonate with any of these failures? Happy to get your feedback via the contact me form. I hope you enjoyed reading this brief reflection.